Ruth Tessema Part 2: Building Better Boundaries
In the final part of our conversation with Boosting Our Voice's favorite Therapist, we highlight how the boundaries we set will guide us forward in our healing journeys and how they accompany learning how to better say no. This is not an episode to be missed cause while we dive deep into a better understanding of ourselves, we also have Ruth join us for Boosting Our Voices first official game of the show, where we take a look at the healing messages in music, enjoy this episode and remember to take care of yourself.
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Our Host
Ari O’Donovan
Transcript:
Ari O'Donovan: (00:00)
Are y'all comfortable? We hope wherever you're listening to this, you're comfortable. This show is for the Bipo communities in Oregon, hosted by a black woman about the amazing work we do every day in this state. So let's build together, connect with our communities, add some laughter and humor even when it's a difficult conversation. Let's boost our voices.
Ruth Tessema: (00:25)
We think about communal and social belonging, love and belonging, the community, right? So having someone there to also hold you. I talk a lot about this in like couple's therapy and having your partner to hold you for your big emotions and vice versa is super important. You know, as well as like parent to child. Like we gotta be able to, well not have the child hold the parent's emotions, but like make sure that the parent is holding a lot of the child's emotions.
Ari O'Donovan: (00:54)
Thanks for joining me for a new episode of Boosting our Voices. During this episode, I interview Ruth Tessa and continue our conversation about mental health, the healing journey, and building better boundaries. Enjoy part two of this discussion and check out part one if you missed it.
Ari O'Donovan: (01:12)
I love the way that you described that. People forget so often in life that you have agency over your life and its outcome and how you feel and how you greet every day and how you treat yourself. You really do have so much autonomy and agency over that, and it's so easy to get caught up in just stuff happening to you day to day stuff that's happened to you in your past to where you're not remembering that. And I think that at least realizing that it, it maybe not like constantly, but like infrequently maybe, is a good way that people start the healing journey to establish boundaries and start developing the skill of saying no. Do you have advice for people who are on their healing journey and maybe just started doing that, trying to establish boundaries, trying to tell people no, maybe they're getting met with like a lot of pushback from people.
Ari O'Donovan: (02:21)
Like for example, somebody could be like, I have a friend that's just never, she's just never there for me. Like, I'm there for her all the time, but she's just not supportive of me in the same way that I cheerlead for her. And whenever I've seen that and I've had to deal with that in my own life and I've seen it with other people, I'm just like, what is the worst thing that could happen? If you decide to put some boundaries up with that person, you will see them less, you will talk to them less. They will be available on your time instead of their time all the time. And worst case scenario, absolutely worst thing, you lose the friendship. Well, you ain't dead, are you So , I mean, maybe just maybe any of those outcomes, whichever it would be on the spectrum would be the better thing for you maybe. So is there any advice that you could give people?
Ruth Tessema: (03:24)
Yeah, I think what you said is just so beautifully worded, and I will piggyback off of that because what I, what I wanna say kind of aligns with that. And it really comes down to, uh, self-love. You know, as easy as that sound is, it's really hard. It comes down to self-love. When you start to realize how worthy you are and how important you are, how, how much you love yourself, because you're doing a lot of this unpacking and processing of your past and having compassion for yourself, you start to really step into this power. You start to really set step into this, um, healthy power of, um, no longer finding attractive certain relationships, you know, oh, you know, kind of like, it's pretty, you know, hard to really digest for some people, but really start to think about, um, you know, what is it, what are my needs?
Ruth Tessema: (04:23)
What are my wants? And it sounds self-centered, but it's really not. It's coming from the intention of just protecting your peace. And so what I would say along those lines of what you mentioned is really practicing, um, the power of pausing because that helps you really remind yourself about what your needs are and what your wants are. And that self-love, you have some room for tapping back into that. And it kind of goes with discernment. It's a huge skill. Um, and discernment is really just taking the time to pause and see if your boundaries are being crossed or needs aren't being met, or if this is something for you or if this is not something for you. And yeah, there could be some mediums there, some balancing there where you do take the time to, yeah, give someone the benefit, the doubt, or help them understand your boundaries, right?
Ruth Tessema: (05:22)
So like that's the also another hard element too, of giving people instructions and reteaching them, Hey, you know, really, um, bothered me when you didn't show up to this thing and I really was expecting you, you know, there, and I just, I didn't know I, I didn't get any communication, you know, or it really bothered me that you shared that information with some other people and I wasn't expecting you to share that with others, you know? And so kind of just, again, that teaching and reteaching of that, but really going back to the power of pause when you come across something like that, you know, uh, a dilemma where you're gonna have to exercise that skill of discernment, pausing can really be beneficial. It goes back to centering yourself and being grounded and understanding what you need. You know, that self-love. So pausing and giving yourself the time to slowly come up with an answer so you're not so much stuck in your head of that fight flight.
Ruth Tessema: (06:28)
And it could be kind of like aggressive, passive aggressive, whatever it is really calm energy coming from this, your divine conscious, you know, spirit of, of discerning what's good and what's not good for you. You know, what, what's helpful and what's not helpful, what's safe, what's unsafe, and, and so you can only access that when our nervous system is a little bit calm. So power of pause really is just making sure you have access to that so you can make the best decision. And I think the more we practice this pausing, so we have room for discernment really gives that self-love more room to blossom, you know? And we don't feel upset about it, like we, or we don't feel worried that someone will be upset about these boundaries that we set. And if they are upset, that gives us more information. You know, if they are upset when we set boundaries, that gives us more information to know that all right, this person is probably not going to be respecting my boundaries.
Ruth Tessema: (07:30)
Or you know, again, pausing, do I need to reteach them again to this person or have I already retaught them enough? And I think it's time to set other boundaries about our relationship. And so that might be all right. I see them every once in a while while and once while checking in with yourself. Does that feel right to me? Okay, well maybe not, maybe it is, you know, now it is time to kind of outgrow this relationship and it is time, you know, for us to part ways 'cause I'm growing and I'm healing and this person doesn't wanna join me, you know, because they don't respect my boundaries. And so again, goes back to self-love, you know, doing all of this exploration. So that would be my suggestions, really exploring the power of pause. 'cause it can really enhance, you know, how we tap into the inner voice, that inner hero, that guidance that helps us make the best decisions for us.
Ari O'Donovan: (08:27)
I love that advice, just pausing and the discernment and all of it. Just really just focus on your own self love. Like you cannot give to other people if you haven't done that work for yourself first.
Ruth Tessema: (08:45)
Yeah. And can I add something to that too? Like this could look like pausing in the workplace. It could look like pausing when you're talking to your children, your partner. This could look like pausing when you're in road rage and someone flips you off and you have no idea , why you really wanna travel and trail them , you wanna follow them afterwards and make sure because you're so angry. Like, you know, pausing and the boundary is for yourself too. Like it's for yourself. So pausing and asking, you know, do I wanna do this? Do I not wanna do this? You know, do I wanna say yes to this project? But I've got like a million things on my mind, you know, pausing. And that can look like, you know, like you're saying earlier, it could look like no period. For some people, yeah, that might work.
Ruth Tessema: (09:33)
But if they're starting out with boundary work, you know, they might need to add some fluff to it 'cause they're not quite comfortable with a no and then a period right after. So it might be like, you know, the power of pause could look like, hmm, let me think about it for a second and then come back to you. And then you could write that in email or text or say it in person if it's in person, you know, or some more fluff like a hmm, okay. Uh, and think out loud, don't be afraid of thinking out loud to allow yourself to pause, you know, or just saying, you know what, I'm not really sure. I don't know right now without having to give them a yes because, and then you're uncomfortable with saying a no, but you know, you're gonna say no. Like it might just be like, I don't know right now.
Ruth Tessema: (10:15)
You know? So that can be very handy with in the workplace with you know, your boss or something. Or if you have to report to someone, even in relationships, because a lot of emotions can run high in relationships and there can be a lot of conflicts. And especially if you share children together, you know, that can be really hard. So pausing and then some other skills can come in where you can delegate, for example, in a relationship with family and children, you can delegate, you know, I don't really have the capacity to do X, Y, Z right now. I thought I did and I'm really worried that you are not able to, but I'm wanting to ask you, can you do X, Y, Z so that I can rest, you know, that's delegating. And some people we're covering, people pleasers are gonna have a really hard time with delegating tasks, using I statements, having a pause or even saying no. So there are so many ways of exploring it and you can apply it to so many different things. But um, yeah, it's definitely a skill to practice and you can get the help of that with a therapist, you know, to help monitor your progression with establishing the right kind of boundaries for you.
Ari O'Donovan: (11:34)
The boundary is not just for the other person, it is for you as well. If you're somebody that is easily triggered with anxiety or anger and rage or just feeling guilt because you can't be everything that this person is wanting you to be in that moment. It's not only for them to, you know, take a step back from you, it's for you to kind of take a moment with yourself and think about how you're feeling and what you're doing. And is this and a appropriate way to respond to something. I'm gonna keep that one. Yeah,
Ruth Tessema: (12:13)
It's self-love Ira. It all comes down to self-love.
Ari O'Donovan: (12:17)
It's, there are boundaries. People can establish those and get comfortable with doing that. It's different for every person and it takes time. And then saying no is related. It's may not be exactly the same thing, but it it's related. Can you tell, can you give some more information about why saying no is truly difficult for many people? And, and then how can we maintain healthy boundaries? How do those things work together too?
Ruth Tessema: (12:48)
It also kind of goes back to, you know, what I was saying around the, the people pleasing, you know, and that's just one element, but big reasons why boundaries can be so tough is there might be a lot of trauma history with this person. There might be trauma history where they're in survival mode pretty much all their life. It could be rooted in childhood trauma, it could be rooted in financial trauma. Uh, it could be rooted in, in relationships, like very harmful relationships. So saying no, there was probably a punishment for that, speaking your mind or saying something from the heart or saying, talking about your needs. There might've been a punishment for that. You know, it's really kind of going back to what it is for you specifically. So for whoever's listening, you know, if boundaries are so tough for me, how can I trace it back?
Ruth Tessema: (13:44)
You know, where were my boundaries crossed or my needs weren't met? You know, if you think about, like a lot of people know about Maslow's hierarchy of needs, you know, we kind of learn about it in school. There's like food, water, shelter, it's like the foundational needs. Like we need that to survive. And there's also like this other stuff. There's also like love and belonging and community and a sense of self. I think that's probably like one of the last parts, like self-actualization or something like that. And if all of these in this theory are important, but if they're all important, what happens when some of the top stuff isn't quite met when love and belonging isn't quite met and a sense of self isn't really established when it should be, you know, during those formative years then you know, people, there might be abandonment issues that people might be afraid of.
Ruth Tessema: (14:38)
Rejection, people might be afraid that, you know, they won't be able to have a sense of community or a sense of belonging. There's a lot of hypervigilance, there's a lot of sense of like over control. So a lot of these can be variables into why setting boundaries can be really tough. So it's really talking to yourself, exploring all of these areas that may have been some of the root, the cause of some of this harm. And therefore now making it really difficult for you to step into your power of being your own hero. Because that could look scary if you've been abandoned, you know, in certain aspects of your life or you've been in survival mode because you know, you couldn't count on the people that were supposed to take care of you, you know, growing up and you had to fend for yourself and you don't beat yourself a lot of those things as a kid, you know?
Ruth Tessema: (15:35)
So, and even in relationships, I mean, there could be, if there is some domestic situation going on, abuse and relationships, you know, that sends a lot of messages and wires the body into being in survival mode. And so it could be very scary to try to defend yourself and say, you know what? That doesn't work for me. I'm gonna say no to that , are you serious? You can't say that. Like in that kind of moment. So what are some of the things we've adapted, let's say? And hopefully we are in a more of a safe environment to start exploring it. I always say it's gonna be really hard to start exploring boundaries if you're in a very, or healing if you're in a very harmful, toxic, unsafe environment. So let's get outta that first with what we can, and then let's start practicing these things.
Ruth Tessema: (16:23)
But once you do and you're out of that, your body is still stuck to that trauma. Like I said, like issues are in our tissues, emotions are stored in our body. Body is gonna feel like, no, that's unsafe. We can't say no. Like we, we can't, we can't have our own thoughts and opinions will be scold, will be bullied, will be abandoned, would be rejected. You know, there's gonna be some, some sort of thing happening. And body is really storing that. So full circle with holistic approaches, that model really helps us work with the body that has these internal messages still stored in 'em, help release that out so that we can feel safe in our bodies as we're out of these traumatic experiences. So there's a lot that goes around it, but it kind of just goes back to the body too. The body's probably still thinking you'll be rejected or abandoned and all these things and that might not be the case.
Ruth Tessema: (17:22)
And we can't just, you know, expect it to just learn that you're, you know, now in a different space. We have to help it relieve and discharge a lot of that trauma from the body in a compassionate way with the help of holistic practitioners. And then we can start working with the head, right, the bottom up approach, then we can start working with the head and helping cognitively work through these limiting beliefs that you are unworthy or that people will abandon you. People will reject you and your needs and thoughts and feelings don't matter. We can then work with that stuff, but we really gotta start working with the body first. So that's kind of what I would say, you know, for people just to, to normalize that. Yeah, of course it's gonna be hard if you come from a traumatic background, childhood trauma or you know, stressors and traumas in your adulthood, you know, everyone's system is different, their needs are gonna be different. So, um, yeah, just to, just to normalize that for sure,
Ari O'Donovan: (18:23)
Any other way to me seems like it would just be a shortcut to something that you're, you're trying to get to that you want to be a permanent thing and you're not ready or willing to do the hard work in a holistic way to get you there. So you really do have to deal. And it could be, like you said, childhood trauma, adult trauma. A lot of people I feel like may have both and you've really gotta, with the person that, a therapist that you can talk to and who can guide you and, and walk with you on this journey.
Ruth Tessema: (18:58)
Yeah. And, and I'll add, you know, if you don't work with a therapist right now and you want to start to really work with your body and get you a little used to it and understand it a little bit more, especially when you're trying to start these new patterns of like boundary setting and it's hard, you know, some of the things that I, you know, talk to clients about when we're working with the body might be just asking yourself these curious questions. You know, what does the body feel like when we're thinking about being rejected? Is there an image that comes up? Is there a sensation in the body? And the person might say, or say to themself or say to me, if I'm in a session like, well, it feels like just this tangly sensation in my stomach. And people are pretty, you know, wise with how they can interpret what their body's feeling once they've tapped into it, they can say it feels like, you know, like wires just like jumbled up into a ball in the pit of my stomach.
Ruth Tessema: (19:56)
And then so I might say, let's get curious about that more. Can we sit with that for a little bit? Like, let's like spend some time feeling that really icky feeling in our stomach that is related to the fear of rejection by someone. And so we do that a little bit and we train the body to be able to sit with some of that. And then we kind of try to like help the body compassionately to, to start to feel a little bit more of the opposite sensation. Well what, what would it feel like if we were maybe not caring about the fear of rejection? What would that feel like? Not saying that that's what you need to feel, but what would that feel like in your body? Well, maybe it would feel like more of like my, you know, my shoulders would be opened up a little bit and, you know, I'd feel like my, my heart is opened up a little bit.
Ruth Tessema: (20:45)
Okay, well can we just get curious about that? Can we see what that feels like? Let's do that Body will naturally wanna do something when we start talking about the body, it'll like give us little messages, you know, and, and imagery. Like the wires jumbled up together. And so I might help people like get into that pose a little bit. One of my favorites is let's practice, let's say we get into some fear of like rejection or something like that or abandonment. And then we work with that a little bit and then we do some of the opposite feelings and help model that in the body. My favorite, it would be like, let's be in warrior position for just a little bit, you know, and see what that feels like in the body. And at first maybe it won't feel good, but then we're kind of like, you know, a little bit more open and curious about it and we're letting the body feel what it could feel like if we are in warrior position and Wonder Woman position or warrior position, whatever that is.
Ruth Tessema: (21:39)
But just like a very nice confidence stance. The body's like picking up on that and the body's like, Ooh, I kind of like that. Well let's sit here a little bit. And then, you know, I might kind of combine a little bit of the two, you know, worlds of, okay, this fear of rejection, there's, there's a trailhead there, but then there's also there confidence that the body wants to feel and let's help train it to get comfortable with that stance. And that just could be a little warmup, like there's so much more to it. But things that you could do is let your body kind of mirror like different postures, different imagery, different sensations that you can really focus on that helps alleviate some of that core fear, which prevents you from establishing the boundaries that you wanna establish. So there's a lot of fun things that you can do about it.
Ruth Tessema: (22:30)
You know, um, yoga, yin yoga meditations, using a yoga ball, you know, and to kind of help shake things out or bounce on the ball, jumping, dancing and, you know, lots of like little spinal twists and things like that, or simple warrior Wonder woman pose could really be as beneficial, you know, right before you start to ask someone about what you need or tell someone your boundary, you know, doing that pose for a little bit. So yeah, I mean there's so many different things that you can do, but it goes back to the body, really goes back to the body.
Ari O'Donovan: (23:09)
It really does. And you really do have such a wide variety of tools in your toolbox to help people at various stages of their lives, their healing journey, what they're ready to accomplish at any given moment. And I really love that. If you are taking new clients, people, listen, , this is who you wanna go talk to. Ruth Tessa, she knows what she is doing.
Ruth Tessema: (23:36)
Oh, I appreciate that. Thank you for the plug. I love that
Ari O'Donovan: (23:40)
Definitely. And that warrior stance, it really makes a difference. Just something that you would never think would matter.
Ruth Tessema: (23:48)
Bodies are so wise, they're so smart, they, uh, they're just, I can go on and on about that, like just how fascinating the mind the body is and how they work together. And sometimes when they don't work together, what we can do to help them work together. But typically they do. We just kind of have to give them a little guidance. But it's just such an amazing, you know, human experience that we get to have. It's just this, this way. Our bodies heal naturally. They want to heal naturally. And everything around us can promote healing naturally. Like we talked about herbs and you know, different vegetables in our gardens and you know, just movements, the breath, sound, vibration. A lot of this is can very much be free if we learn how to kind of practice it a little bit more in that way. Um, and speaking of like with the, the breath work I forgot to mention, you know, and the sound, you know, we can do vagal tones for ourselves, so like breathing and using the humming sound, you know, when we exhale we do a deep belly breath and we just do the humming sound when we exhale or the sh sound when we exhale, or the vo sound when we exhale. Or the universal healing frequency, the omm sound, you know, that is super powerful. So yeah, so many ways.
Ari O'Donovan: (25:13)
Before we signed off for today, my producers gathered a collection of quotes regarding healing And Ruth, I wanted to know if you would play a little game with me.
Ruth Tessema: (25:24)
I love games right now. Yes,
Ari O'Donovan: (25:27)
Wonderful. And I think it'll be insightful for you to share with us how you would rank all of them from a scale to one to 10 on how true they ring for you in regards to the healing journey. Mm-Hmm, . So we'll start with the first one and here's the quote. It's not the waking, it's the rising, it's the grounding of a foot uncompromisingly. And that's by, I think the dude's name is Ziaire. I like his music. I never get his name. . Can you rank that one and share a little bit with us?
Ruth Tessema: (26:03)
Yeah. Oh gosh. You know, I think he just came out with an album this summer. A couple other therapists told me to listen to it. So I think it, there's a lot of healing there. I haven't really listened to the album yet, but I love this 'cause it reminds me of the rising that the rising of a phoenix, like it reminds me of like the Phoenix rising from the traumatic ashes, you know, and promoting growth. And that's what we can kind of focus on. I give that a 10 outta 10. I give that a 10. I love it. I mean, that's the first thing that I thought of, just like healing and grounding. That word grounding sounds very important too. There's so much there that I can go in detail about and analyze it all, but it sounds like a beautiful start to a healing journey and, and being focusing on your rising. And my business is called rising Self wellness. So 10 Outta 10.
Ari O'Donovan: (27:02)
I love that one. That, that's one of my favorites in my, in my little list here. And the next one is I can go the distance. I don't care how far, somehow I'll be strong. And that's from Hercules, the Disney movie. Yeah.
Ruth Tessema: (27:16)
I wanna give this another 10 outta a 10 because you know how I talked about the hero's journey, I think I talked about hero being your own hero in the healing journey. And I feel like this reminds me of the hero's journey and a lot of stories, a lot of Disney stories, a lot of just stories with the protagonist. And it reminds me, you know, how we can be, 'cause this healing journey, it can be hard and it can be scary. 10 outta 10,
Ari O'Donovan: (27:46)
I got another one from, oh, one of my favorite girl groups in, in bands of all time, Destiny's Child. I have this song on repeat like I know so many other people did too. And the quote is, I'm a survivor, I'm gonna make it. I will survive, keep on surviving. What can you tell us about that one?
Ruth Tessema: (28:04)
Oh yes, let's go. Destiny's Child. They knew what they were talking about. They knew what they were talking about. It's a beautiful phrase. It's a beautiful lyric. I always share with my clients. And this is how I view myself too, being also someone who is a survivor of developmental trauma too. That we can easily go into victimhood and stay there a little bit. You know, whether we know it or not, we can. But this lyric reminds me how we can easily, not easily, but we can step into this agency of surviving and thriving and yeah, not just surviving, but thriving, but also, yeah, going into that direction where you don't see yourself as a victim anymore. And maybe you see yourself as, I had all these experiences, some traumatic and some really, you know, I'm not gonna curse, but some really, you know, bad ones.
Ruth Tessema: (29:00)
You know? And, and that has shaped me to who I am. And how awesome is that, that I can use this experience to live a life that's fulfilling. And so being a survivor and thriving, so what a wonderful lyric that I feel like is just ageless. Like that song will be timeless. I remember, I think I was in fourth grade when that song came out and I was trying to find , I was trying to know what the words were 'cause it was so good. And like all the, the kids around me at recess are like knowing the words and they're singing it and just like, what are those words? How did I get those words? Like my heart ? Um, but yeah, what a, what a wonderful song. So yeah, 10 outta 10 11, 12 outta 10
Ari O'Donovan: (29:48)
. No, I agree. Absolutely agree. And the next one I'm gonna tell you, this song at the end, there's like a whole choir singing with her and it's just, this is a feel good song and the lyrics are, the quote from it is, no one else can feel it for you. Only you can let it in. No one else. No one else can speak the words on your lips by Natasha be, oh,
Ruth Tessema: (30:14)
Good song. I love this song. To me, when I hear that part of the song back, I just think of again, being your own hero and just being a storyteller. Kind of going back to the other songs too. Just like these things happen to me and I can lock it away or I can help share my story and sharing my story. Not just like with the world, but like also, you know, bring it up to the surface within myself so that I have that relationship with all those parts of me from all these years. Like you're saying with the Russian doll analogy, just being comfortable with your story and you might have to practice writing it out. You might have to practice saying it out loud and then maybe to a friend, a therapist, and then who knows, you could be sharing your story, you know, in public platforms, books, things like that. I mean, everyone's story is so unique and I can go on and on about that, but that's such a beautiful song. Yeah. Another 10 Outta 10
Ari O'Donovan: (31:23)
. It really is. I love that song. And I love how you've been talking about being your own hero when you're young and especially when you're a child, you're, you're looking to other people to be that hero for you. Whether it's a famous person or a superhero, an actual like fictional superhero or an adult, whoever it is. As you get older and you get further in your progress with your healing journey, you start to, you know, it's just like Kendrick Lamar said, you look in the mirror and there you go, your hero. Mm-Hmm. . You don't need to be looking for other people. Yeah. It's all in you baby.
Ruth Tessema: (32:00)
Yeah, 100%. Yeah. It's all within us. And I think that's like where the spirituality comes in, like that relationship to yourself and you know, I personally like to call that like my higher self, my conscious being that knows all the answers and has all the wisdom, but just I have some fragmented parts that came through trauma and growing up in this world and sometimes that higher self gets covered up. But, and especially like you're saying like these earlier years of our life where we are really looking up to someone and so we don't really have access to our highest self in that way just yet. But if we don't get the help and guidance from the people around us, you know, it makes it harder to find that within ourself and you know, see ourself as our own hero in later adulthood. But yeah, it is very much a spiritual thing and if you don't consider yourself spiritual, like whoever's listening, you know, it doesn't have to be, but it just, it's like that relationship with your soul, your divine spirit, your divine self. You know, just accessing it a little bit and and letting that being that entity guide you, reparent you and help you be that confident hero in your life. So yeah, I don't know how we got onto that, but that beautiful segue. And I love Kendrick Lamar, so you already know. Oh yeah, yeah. He's definitely, you know, speaking the truth as well. So he knows what the healing is all about and he and I noticed that in his lyrics and in a lot of his songs. Songs. Yeah,
Ari O'Donovan: (33:36)
Most definitely. Next time we play this game, Ruth, on a future episode, I feel like we have to talk about more on some other episode. There should be a quote in here from him 'cause he has like just so many good. Yeah, yeah. So many good ones. We got one more though. And I love this woman too. Solange Knowles. She's made so many, so many good songs. Yeah. And, and I love her sister. That's my girl . You got the light count it all joy, you got the right to be mad, but when you carry it alone, you find it only getting in the way. They say you gotta let it go. Mm
Ruth Tessema: (34:20)
Oh this one's really touchy. This one's a really emotional, Solange knows what she's talking about too. I feel like she's very spiritual. I feel like she's been through some things and really using her music, her art, and you know, I know that she does other things than music, but she's really, you know, has got some wisdom there. I don't know if this is from Cranes in the Sky, but that's a song. Probably not. But that's a song that I really like from her. But when I hear this lyric, it reminds me of gimme yourself time to of course like sit in some emotions. Like give yourself some time to grieve and be mad and be sad and be upset. Especially if you've been through a lot of things and don't compare yourself through with other people. But you've been through some things that your nervous system is still adjusting or storing.
Ruth Tessema: (35:07)
You know, give yourself the time to not suppress it, but make sure that there is a space that's holding you. You can't quite do it alone. So we go back to the healing or the holistic journey. We think about communal and social belonging. Love and belonging, the community, right? So having someone there to also hold you. I talk a lot about this in like couples therapy and having your partner to hold you for your big emotions and vice versa is super important. You know, as well as like parent to child. Like we gotta be able to, well not have the child hold the parent's emotions , but like make sure that the parent's holding a lot of the child's emotions process it. So yeah, it just like reminds me of yes, giving yourself the space to feel and not soak and emotions. Sit with it for a little bit.
Ruth Tessema: (35:57)
Feel it and notice how that makes you, you know, feel just holding onto it a little bit and like just being objectively aware and then also like making space for you to be held by someone or something, you know, to be able to kind of like discharge some of that out. 'cause it can rule your life subconsciously if you don't have access to a way to discharge it. So yeah. Beautiful words. There's so much there with that one too that I wanna, you know, just sit with a little bit. But yeah, so lounges are pretty cool artist. I think she's got some things coming along 'cause she's got a lot of wisdom I've noticed just from the songs that she put out a while back. But very cool. 10 outta 10,
Ari O'Donovan: (36:47)
If she ever go on tour, we'll have to go. Yeah,
Ruth Tessema: (36:50)
Absolutely.
Ari O'Donovan: (36:51)
I really love that quote too. And her music, it's, listen to her lyrics. They're really, they're really like on a higher
Ruth Tessema: (36:58)
Order. Yeah. They're very deep, aren't they? Very deep, very soy, very in the nitty gritty and not very surface level at all. Yeah,
Ari O'Donovan: (37:10)
They really are. And and thank you Ruth, for playing this game. It's given me and anybody listening a lot of insight through music. Mm-Hmm. on the healing journey and focusing on self-love. It's gonna be different for everybody. And each one of these quotes is a different aspect, different stage, a different everything. But they've all got a lot of great wisdom and information that you can use.
Ruth Tessema: (37:36)
Absolutely. Yeah. Such a fun game. Thanks for doing that with me. Yeah, I love that. Music is so powerful. Lyrics can be so powerful and they're open to interpretation, but I think that these ones and the, the Hercules quote too, I think that was from a movie, but like all just so powerful and there's a lot that we can, you know, pick out and keep and use and utilize for our own, our own needs too. We want mm-Hmm .
Ari O'Donovan: (38:07)
Absolutely. Absolutely. So where can people find you online? And if you've got an event coming up or something special that you're doing that you wanna highlight, throw that in there too, because I know a lot of people are gonna wanna learn more about you if they don't know who you are already from episode one that I did with you the first interview. And if you haven't listened to that one, go back, go back and listen to that first interview with Ruth. 'cause it, it talks about a lot of really good stuff too.
Ruth Tessema: (38:38)
Yeah. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah, so I have a website where all this information is housed. Um, and you can sign up for my newsletter that I send out to people every month and sometimes maybe twice a month, just not, not too much, but at least once a month. Um, my website is rising self wellness.com. That's the name of my practice. So there you can find information about holistic therapy, sound baths, breath work treatments, also wellness classes. So I'll talk about the breath work and sound bath community experience. That happens every month. The next one is October 29th and that one's full, but there is a wait list. So sometimes people let me know that they can't make it and they're sick 'cause it's in person. So if you are interested you can sign up for it and get on the wait list. That information is also on my website.
Ruth Tessema: (39:36)
It's a link to Eventbrite as well. So you can kind of register through that. So that is the monthly sound bath and breathwork community events. You can also book private sound, bath and breath breathwork treatments and you can do that for just yourself, you and a partner or a loved one. And then small groups as well. So, so I have that. And then the classes that I have, I have a six week signature program for holistic wellness, uh, to, for anxiety and depression management. And it's specifically for bipo femmes. And that would be in person and stay tuned for that because that will be open for registration in the next couple weeks to start in, uh, mid-winter. So towards the end of winter, but hopefully like around end of February to start. And that's a six week program. It's only four 15 people. So you know, it's gonna be a small intimate group.
Ruth Tessema: (40:34)
And then we'll have another one probably in the late spring. But that you can also sign up through my website, rising self wellness.com. I also have an Instagram and so you can follow me on Instagram. I have little soundbites of some cool tips and strategies and some other things. I, I like to incorporate my own healing in my Instagram page too. But the handle is talk with Ruth and in my bio you'll find a link tree, which will have all of the other links that I mentioned, how to register for a sound bath, a community breathwork sound bath experience, how to sign up for the class, my website, mailing at mailing, uh, newsletter, sign up, all that good stuff. So rising self wellness.com. Instagram is talk with Ruth.
Ari O'Donovan: (41:25)
Love it. Love it. And I will be making sure that your events are getting advertised. Um, boosting our voices Instagram because they're outstanding and a couple of those I didn't even know about. So people gotta know more about that. We will put a link to your website and your Instagram in the description so people can find that information. And you have a lot going on. You have a lot of really great events coming up and, and services that you offer regularly. Mm-Hmm. . And, and they're obviously very popular because there's already a wait list for one of 'em. So Yeah. Pretty cool. Y'all better hurry up and sign up for the next one or get added to the wait list. 'cause you wanna, you wanna find out what it's all about.
Ruth Tessema: (42:10)
Absolutely. And yeah, and I'll just say like, the best way to really just get in the loop of everything all is just, you know, go to the website and sign up for the newsletter because I put all that upcoming stuff as well as other community events, you know, just to plug some other people in the community of, you know, access to holistic wellness, all that in my monthly newsletter. So that would be like the best place to be updated with everything. So again, you can just sign up on the website,
Ari O'Donovan: (42:40)
That's perfect. And then you can get the newsletters and you don't even have to go searching. It'll just come right to your inbox and with a pretty bow on it. You got it . You can just take a look and, and see what works for you because there's, there's gonna be a service in there that's gonna be something you should have. Yeah,
Ruth Tessema: (42:58)
. Thank you. Appreciate that. Yeah.
Ari O'Donovan: (43:02)
And I got one more thing, Ruth, before we end this episode at the end, I always like to ask people this question and I really wanna hear your take on this. I more than I've ever, I think ever wanted to hear from anybody before. I really want to hear what you have to say. What does Portland need to hear when it comes to healing?
Ruth Tessema: (43:24)
Ooh. Ooh. I've been a very good question. Hmm. I'll say that there is access if you want something. One thing that I've really, really like to see in the progressive progression of Portland, a city where I'm from, I grew up here, same as you, is the amazing community that we have here. Like we have amazing folks that are so well invested in healing with a mix of entrepreneurial stuff that, and wellness and just access to things like I learn about through my clients. I learn about three or four different resources in the community just to help people have, find access to something like whether it's necessities or wellness or you know, vegetable boxes to their front doorstep. All these things. So I'll say if you need something, it's just like finding connection and community to bridge that gap and get access to things like, there's such an amazing community here. And yeah, that's what I would say. And so with healing doesn't have to be something that is out of reach. Um, it really just starts out with just getting curious about what's around you and getting plugged in.
Ari O'Donovan: (44:52)
I really believe that Portland and Portland's, uh, bipo communities, they're out there and they've got the resources and you just gotta do a little bit of digging. That is the best way to end this episode. Aw,
Ruth Tessema: (45:06)
Well thank you so much. Always a fun thing to just like sit and chat with you, especially with my favorite topics. Like this is always so fun. So I hope you have me again and thank you so much Ira. Appreciate it.
Ari O'Donovan: (45:21)
Definitely. And thank you for joining me for a second episode. I love these conversations. These are subjects that are near and dear to my heart as well, and you're just the perfect guest to talk about it all with. So thank you Ruth Tessa, for joining us. Everybody check her out, follow her, check her website out. And don't miss out on my newsletter. Get it all. Thanks for listening to this episode. Can bring the community info without the community. Appreciate you showing up. If you wanna reach out, hit us up on ig at boosting our voices or at our website, boost oregon.org. Keep doing great things, keep uplifting one another and we'll do the same. See you next time.